THE PLOT:
Two hundred years after Bartz and his companions saved the world from Exdeath, the planet and its elemental crystals are again in danger. The evil Deathgyunos and his killer robots are using the disembodied brain of scientist Cid to locate and steal the crystals. They have already taken the crystals of Water, Earth, and Fire, and the Avatar has vanished... Um, sorry, wrong cartoon.
Linaly, a young summoner who is a direct descendant of Bartz, travels to the Wind Temple to protect the crystal, with her would-be boyfriend Prettz in tow. They reach the crystal - which proceeds to embed itself in Linaly's body. Now they find themselves on the run from the evil robots, and in an uneasy alliance with the soldier Valkus, the beautiful pirate Rouge, and Mid - the ghost of Cid's grandson, who cannot rest until he recovers his grandpa's brain. To save the world, they will need to confront Deathgyunos on his home turf: The black moon!
Because of course there's a black moon. Why not?
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| Our heroes: an imbecile, a ghost, and an anime girl. |
CHARACTERS:
The characters are two-dimensional anime tropes. Prettz is headstrong but amazingly capable in combat for someone never presented as having any actual combat training. Linaly is constantly sincere and wide-eyed. Valkus all but drools over Rouge, who all but drools over the prospect of treasure. Mid actually emerges as the standout character, if only because he seems to regard most of the other characters with thinly-veiled disdain. For an early 1990s anime, they aren't actively disastrous characters - but they are too thinly-drawn to make up for the story's weaknesses.
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| Mid confronts the evil being who stole his grandpa's brain! |
THOUGHTS:
The first of Final Fantasy's forays into anime, 1994's Legend of the Crystals is a genuinely bizarre product. Though ostensibly a sequel to Final Fantasy V (and, ironically, released in the West long before the game itself was), it has none of the feel of its source, or of the series in general. It plays out mainly like a generic sci-fi anime, with useless robots that can easily be chopped apart by swords and guns, and swarms of spaceships... that can also easily be chopped apart by swords and guns.
While watching, I continually pondered one question: Exactly who was the intended audience for this? The tone and story feel like something that was made for children. But then you have Linaly, flashing her panties multiple times per episode; Rouge, who dresses like a dominatrix preparing to go for a swim; Rouge's lair, with alarms planted in the breasts of statues; and the villain's downright masturbatory noises when the power of the crystals flows into him. So you've got a story that feels too childish for adults, or even most teens, but with substantial amounts of content unsuitable for children. If Peppa Pig got adopted by the love child of Heavy Metal and Robotech, the results... would likely still be less inexplicable than this.
The final episode is particularly bad, as the already shaky story descends into a confused mess. The showdown between heroes and villain is so incoherently presented, it makes a Michael Bay action climax look well-ordered by comparison. The villain is ultimately defeated by a light shining into another light that makes another bunch of lights zap into a Thing. Followed by a few minutes so that we can have a "comedy tag" wrapping up the fates of the main characters. Even though very few viewers will care a fig about any of those characters.
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| Linally and Prettz explore the Wind Temple. No jokes about passing wind, please. |
OVERALL:
Final Fantasy: Legend of the Crystals is a mess. It is poorly plotted, with a frenetic and borderline incoherent climax. It's too childish for adult audiences, but it also has too much adult content for children. Finally, it has none of the feel of the series that supposedly inspired it.
It has curiosity value, I suppose, and I've honestly seen worse. But unless you're an absolute Final Fantasy completist, this is really not worth your time.
Overall Rating: 2/10.
Preceded by: Final Fantasy V
Previous Release: Final Fantasy V
Next Release: Final Fantasy VI
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